Skip to content

How Do We Live for Christ

“Wonder is that possession of the mind that enchants the emotions while never surrendering reason.  It is a grasp on reality that does not need constant high points in order to be maintained, nor is it made vulnerable by the low points of life’s struggle.  It sees in the ordinary the extraordinary, and it finds in the extraordinary the re-affirmations for what it already knows.  Wonder clasps the soul (the spiritual) and is felt in the body (the material).”  -Ravi Zacharias-

Introduction
Perhaps in a quote, this is how I feel in this moment as I write.  It has taken me awhile to begin, but I hope that as we take upon this journey for a year together, that God does amazing things in all of our lives.  Perhaps there will be a time where we can celebrate and share in His testimony of how He continues to grow us and mature us into the men and women to stand for this generation.

I have nothing of real value to offer you except the stories of the journey I’ve had with my Savior.  I wish I had some intellectual insight, some profundity in my words, or an eloquence that you could savor as I write.  However, I can be horribly awkward, sometimes too honest, and way too verbose.  Know that in light of my own quirks, I do care deeply and desire to see your relationship with Christ grow.

How do we live for Christ?

Hebrews 11:1  “Not faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

The preacher spoke of this person saying, “I had thought that my life would be one sent into the mission field doing something glorious for God and dying a martyrs death.”  With that thought, he continues on saying that his life of faith did not consist of this glorious tale of God’s adventures being lived out through him.  But instead, over the 65 years of his life, living faithfully meant quietly placing his money into the offering basket every Sunday.  This mundane faithfulness quietly screams that costly faith that we sometimes attribute to those that live out those glorious tales.

Reflection
Sometimes it is in the mundane we find it most difficult to live in faithfulness.  I know that I tell God, if you call me to do this, I will be so faithful, don’t worry about me, I will live for you!  But in the mundane things of life, I fall flat on my face.  I picture this life of faithfulness in my head and involves me preaching to a group of people, inspiring them to live for Christ…providing wisdom and counseling….but yet it is in the simple things of offering thanks and living in true wonder that I can’t seem to wrap my head around.  It is the simple things that seem to allude me.

Perhaps our capacity to live for Christ doesn’t start at some grand vision of our lives that we are so desperately chasing, but perhaps it starts at the grand act of grace God has already displayed through His Son Jesus Christ.  Maybe when we focus too much of ourselves and our own visions, God is calling us to come back to Him.

If I cannot find wonder in the ordinary, I will miss what is truly extraordinary of this life.  God help me to re-capture the wonder of today so that I may learn how to live for you tomorrow.

Advertisements

Finding an Anchor

Hebrews 6:16-19
“Men swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument.  Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath.  God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged.  We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure…”

As I look at this verse, I wonder if the mistakes in my inability to trust is because I have anchored that trust on the wrong hopes.  We can look at society and see the propensity to cast our hopes upon materialism, the opposite sex, and/or the power and prestige of a position.  We outwardly proclaim our confidence in the superficial things we can offer… the accomplishments we wear like proud shiny medals on our chest.  And perhaps we don’t have those medals to show, so we feel other than…less than…not capable of.

I find my trust in my own ability.  I put my nose to the grindstone and I work.  I try harder, analyze more, become more knowledgable, and somehow through these tangible actions, I find an ability to create what I want.  But what happens when my own ability forsakes me…when the depravity of my heart creeps up to tackle me?  I dust myself off realizing that even all my effort cannot sustain as an anchor.  It is rather weak and fragile.  I am weak and fragile.

When I read Hebrews, I sense that what God is speaking to me is that trust doesn’t come by trying harder, but by anchoring it to the appropriate hope.  Because in the end, people will disappoint and I will disappoint myself, but as long as that anchor is secure in the proper hope, I will be able to sustain and weather these disappointments by the grace of God and the hope placed in my Lord.

For me, I will have to take the small steps of offering each moment to the Cross, to lift up my hands and tell Christ to help me anchor this hope in Him and Him alone….b/c in order to fully serve this world, our hope must be secure.

I look at Christ now wondering what He is thinking as He looks at me.  What I see is compassion in His eyes, a tenderness in his hands…seeing how tired my soul has been over these years trying to live as I do.  His voice as quiet as a summer breeze, gently encompassing me, telling me to let it go…to let go of the analyzing, to let go of the projections and to just “be.”  That in this moment, I don’t have to be anybody else but the created worshipping his creator.  And that very act of worship is just sitting in front of my computer screen, taking a couple of deep breathes, and saying God, “Here I am, help me to place my hope in you….so that I may learn to trust.”

 

Love, *pause* the Contradiction

Starting Point
Love, *pause* the contradiction.  One expository email from me on the understanding of love is like me pointing at the sky and telling you its big.  I cannot comprehend love in its fullest terms, but I can only shimmer a small light that words try to catch in their hands.

 Quotes from “Loving People” by John Townsend
-“One of the most important realities of the nature of love is that the ‘lovability’ of the other person is ultimately irrelevant.  Said another way, the more we require that the other person be lovable in order for us to care, the less loving we are.  The converse is also true:  the less we require the person to be lovable, the more loving we are.”

-“You may think, He doesn’t deserve my love, with what he has done.  And you may be right.  That is not the point.  No one deserves love.  Not you.  Not me. Not the ‘good guy.’  No one deserves love, but everyone needs love.”

-“For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.”

Reflections
I remember Ravi saying in a sermon, if you have loved one woman you have loved, but if you have loved many women, you have yet to understand love.  Then I remember another saying that says I give all my love to all my children.  I love…the contradiction b/c the understanding of love is as simple as a kiss on a cheek, a sweet embrace, or a single rose, yet in its philosophical complexity, we cannot contain love in mere words or actions.  It seems almost transcendent in idea…and I like that about love.  It forces us to confront our own assumptions of this life, the rules and systematic way we think through things.  Love challenges those ideas, it takes what we know and flips it on its head, and those who choose to love without regard transform this world.

I am reminded that the most transformative love is often found in the battlefield of hatred.  I think of Abraham Lincoln, Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr., and Nelson Mandela.  Each flawed human beings, their ideas critiqued, their ideologies dissected, but what cannot be taken away is their effect on this world and the belief that within their capacities, they were giving everything to love.  The ultimately expression is seen on the necklaces of rock stars, on buildings, and the mere picture of the cross brings a mix of hatred and love.  How can one emotion so pure, so desired, and so wanted be so attacked and diminished?

I think of this idea of lovability.  I think about it when I think about it when I see couples…the diversity of their loves, the multi-faceted expressions, and yet there’s some unifying quality in it all.  Its easy to assess a person and judge them by our own criteria of lovability, what we like and dislike, and then surround ourselves with those that are easiest to love.  The problem is, I get fed up with myself.  I get impatient with myself, there’s something severely flawed in me that cannot even understand how to receive love myself much less give it.  The distortions created by the perception of this world’s idea of love can easily pollute this heart of mine.

So as I dissect this thought, it leads me to believe that this fractured heart I have is flawed and often displays my own depravity.  My heart takes what I desires and twists and turns it into something so much less than.  I lessen the standard and minimizes the purity b/c I don’t think I’m capable of even processing the purity that love is at its fullest.  I choose the base things, I go outside of God’s boundaries to find fulfillment….I am a rebel!

My thoughts on love cannot be completed without mentioning Jesus Christ.  As Christ is the embodiment of love, we look to His life as the picture of love.  When I think about it, his life while extolled with great healing and miracles seemed to always walk side by side with a lingering hatred and darkness.  In His interactions with people, Jesus would always have to confront evil with love, darkness with light, and impurity with purity.  In many ways, Jesus’ life can be marked as a constant battle of love.  I think our misconceptions of love is this perfect picture plucked out of a moment in a person’s life.  Its that child hugging his mother, the daughter dancing with her father, the two becoming one, a child being born, and all these other picturesque moments.  I think these are the products of love but not the reality of love.  The day-to-day grind of dealing with differences, sinfulness, and selfishness…learning to look beyond those things to love with consistency.  Jesus did that in his life here on Earth….confronted with our inconsistencies, He consistently loved and that consistency is something I want to anchor the rest of my life on.

I hope for those products of love moments, but more than that, I hope they are forged under this consistent love God provides for me and enables me to live in as I live out this life He’s given me.  I don’t pray for perfection, but I do pray for consistency…to consistently receive His love, to consistently live in His love, and to consistently offer His love in the face of all that Satan throws at me.

Love is what changes people’s lives for Christ.  It gives birth to inspiration, to more love, and to life.  The difference between living and existing lies hand in hand with this idea of love. 

Prayer
God, I am in need of Your love so desperately.  I have knowledge, I have good intentions, I have so much, but yet without your love they are nothing.  They are loud noises that draw attention but provide no actual value.  Lord, you know me and how alone I feel.  You know how inept I can be with the decisions I make.  Lord, you know how easily I get distracted and how foolishly I waste my time.  Lord, I confess that I am not patient, that I am far from the man you want me to be…but in this moment, remind me what that means. Lord, allow your love to fill my heart, to secure my identity, to fill my presence.  God, I pray for a consistent love, one that does not waver, one that isn’t dependent on how I feel about myself, but one that is completely dependent on how you feel about me.  I pray that my sins would not get in the way of how I experience your love…but would it remind me how costly your love is for me.

Please tear away the walls that I’ve so easily built up, misconceptions I try to grasp towards, and allow the Word to become me.  Let it nourish this malnourished soul and breathe life into these brittle bones.  I want to be more and I want to grow deeper, I want to get past these moments of insecurities, of these feelings of not knowing what love is, and to experience your security and truth.  Teach me to walk in your ways, to pray constantly, Lord, I just want to change.

I know its not going to happen over night, but I do want to change.  I know that I fail to pray enough, to pray for my friends, my colleagues, my enemies, my future, my past, my unforgiveness, my wounds and failures.  Lord, please cover these areas of my life.  Teach me how to pray over these areas so that I may continue to experience your love. 

I’m sorry for being so ashamed to come into your presence.  Lord, sometimes when I think of the past, I get frustrated at myself for my actions and failures.  I get upset about how I lost a ministry, how I was treated at church, how I reacted to it all.  I get so upset and frustrated that I just want to quit….to not try, but Lord I need your perseverance to get through this.  Lord, anytime I want to dig deeper, I just feel like there’s so much to conquer that I get discouraged.  

I think of my future and I have all these wants…but I’m so clueless to what you want for me.  I want to lay all these wants at your feet so that you can show me what you want.  Sometimes I think all my wants obscure my vision to be able to see what you want.  Help me to trust the process and to know that you are in control.

Help me to be better in relationships…to not shy away but to consistently connect with others and to share life with others.  I’m tired of my old act of hibernating, of isolating myself.  Bring people who would draw me out of this bad habit and allow me to experience life in connection.

Lord, plainly stated, I need you.  In every aspect and in every way, I am utterly nothing without you, I am riddled with insecurities, thirsting for love, and hopelessly discouraged when you are not in my life.  Please God, don’t allow me to fall so far or so deep that I would feel like I’m out of your reach.

A Refreshing Breath of Honesty

“Every writer must overcome a kind of shyness, putting out of mind the fear that we are being arrogant by thrusting ourselves upon you the reader, and egotistical by assuming our words are worth your time.  Why should you care about what I have to say?  What right have I to impose myself on you?”

I’m not sure what you think of me as a person, but I can be insecure.  Sometimes when expressing the truth of God which is so powerful, the person stating it often seems to be wielding the same power….but often times I feel like I’m spraying the world with a squirt gun when the rest of the world has rockets and missles.  I can feel so inadequate, I over-excenuate my failures, I test people at the boundaries b/c at the core I have such a difficulty trusting anyone.

I think Frederick Buechner states it best…
“If you tell me Christian commitment is a kind of thing that has happened to you once and for all like some kind of spiritual plastic surgery, I say go to, go to, you’re either pulling the wool over your own eyes or trying to pull it over mine.  Every morning you should wake up in your bed and ask yourself:  ‘Can I believe it all again today?’  No, better still, don’t ask it till after you’ve read the New York Times, till after you’ve studied that daily record of the world’s brokenness and corruption, which should always stand side by side with your Bible.  Then ask yourself if you can believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ again for that particular day.  If your answer’s always Yes, then you probably don’t know what believing means.  At least five times out of ten the answer should be No because the No is as important as the Yes, maybe more so.  The No is what proves you’re human in case you should ever doubt it.  And then if some morning the answer happens to be really Yes, it should be a Yes that’s choked with confession and tears and…great laughter.”

I find this perspective so counter-intuitive to the prevailing thought of the church today…here is his quote on the condition of the church today….

“So many churches remind me of dysfunctional families, full of loneliness and buried pain, dominated by an authority figure”

I have found that these days, I helplessly throw myself at the foot of the cross.  I live with both certainty and uncertainty…I wander like a child in the woods from one thought of God to another thought of something so horribly sinful and then wander back wondering how God can love such a flawed creature like myself.  Then this thinking takes me to the cross and wonders how could this God die for such a flawed creature like me….and finally I step onto the scene and the question asked of me as I stare out into the faceless audience is…  Will I let God love such a flawed creature like me?

Some days I shout with all the gusto I can muster YES!…and other days I pound my chest with an agonizing guilt saying NO!…other times I blush and feel my palm get sweaty and other days I simple don’t have time to deal with what I deem such a trivial question b/c I have MUCH more important things to do like go to work… indulge in my sins or throw my own pity parties.

The discovery I’m seeing in the pattern of understanding myself is that I sometimes take a truth and then try to line up my life according to that truth while not being true to myself.  I want to believe the truth that God loves me so I do everything I can to be lovable to God…I realign my life so that I can feel that in some way I’m incredibly lovable and irresisitable.  I deny the ugly parts of my life…I don’t deal with the issues, but I replace them so that no one will know….then I take this lovable life and proudly show it to the rest of the world while joyously exclaiming God’s testimony.  I join a small group, I sing louder and then the truth comes out…

I’m exposed and it all comes
tumbling
down.

The horrible cycle continues again…

But this time, I realize that I don’t start with God’s truth and try to make my life perfect according to His truth… but I start from where I’m at.  I start with my ugliness… my horrible insecurities, my magnificent pity parties and then I start attacking them with God’s truth…  I don’t hide the embarassing fact of “me” but I allow God’s truth to illuminate “me.”  I take the courage to step into God’s truth with my baggage that I wished the airline lost and show my white boxers with the heart on them…. I tell God…hey that’s me…  I feel the eyes penetrating my soul as I feel so embarassed….I look at the kid who burries his face into his mother’s leg b/c he’s so embarrassed for me.  I see the teenage kid whisper to his friend and cackle from behind…..

But then I look to my God… *shrug*…and He gently whispers….”even you, I have a plan for… and no matter how hard you fight it…You will never outlast my love.”

I stare into His face with my eyes filling with tears…my lips trembling and my hand holding my own pair of white boxers with hearts on them… and the crowd fades away….everything that seemed to matter so much matters no more….  I’m caught up in this moment….a holy moment, a delicious exchange of grace.

This feeds me….it allows me to stand in the truth….each day I take something out of my baggage.. some days I turn from him, but other days I have the confidence to remember that I can never earn this love by becoming more lovable, but I am reminded of His truth that I will never outlast His love.

2 Peter 3:8-9  “8But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 9The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

The Orange Revolution

I’ve been reading the book “What Good is God” by Phillip Yancey.  I’m enjoying it immensely and there’s this short story that I wanted to share today.

Orange Revolution (From “What Good is God” by Phillip Yancey)
Have you heard of the Orange Revolution that occured in the Ukraine in 2004?  Let me tell you a little-known story about the unlikely heroes who helped spark that revolution.  Like other parts of the Soviet Union, Ukrainemoved toward democracy as the Soviet smpire collapsed, though in Ukraine democracy advanced at a glacial pace.  If you think our elections are dirty, consider that when the Ukrainian reformer Victor Yushchenko dared to challenge the entrenched party, he nearly died from a mysterious case of dioxin poising.  Against all advice Yushchenko, his body weakened and his face permanently disfigured by the poison, remained in the race.  On election day the exit polls showed him with a comfortable 10 percent lead; nevertheless, through outright fraud the government managed to reverse those results.

That evening the state-run television stations reported, “Ladies and gentlemen, we announce that the challenger Victor Yushchenko has been decisively defeated.”  However, government authorities had not taken into account one feature of Ukrainian television, the translation it provides for the hearing-impaired.  On the small screen inset in the lower right-hand corner of the television screen a brave woman rasied by deaf-mute parents gave a different message in sign language.  “I am addressing all the deaf citizens of Ukraine.  Don’t believe what they [authorities] say.  They are lying and I am ashamed to translate these lies.  Yushchenko is our President!”  No one in the studio understood her radical sign-language message.

Deaf people, inspired by their translator Natalya Dmitruk, led the Orange Revolution.  They text-messaged their friends on mobile phones about the fraudulent elections, and soon other journalists took courage from Dmitruk’s act of defiance and likewise refused to broadcast the party line.  Over the next few weeks as many as a million people wearing orange flooded the capital city of Kiev to demand new elections.  The government finally buckled under the pressure, consenting to new elections, and this time Yushchenko emerged as the undisputed winner.”

As I look into God’s Word, whether it’s scanning through the OT or the NT, there’s a consistency of seeing unlikely heroes.  In Esther 4:14, it speaks of this thought….”For such a time as this…” and as I begin to collide into my 30’s, I can’t help but start wondering how is this life going to make an impact in this world.  I have this picture of myself making this incredible impact….but lately, I’ve been thinking that what matters isn’t this need to make some glorious splash on the landscape of society, but a quiet steadfast faithfulness in meeting with God.  I’ve been so caught up with making an impact in this world that I get so driven…to “DO” something.

Instead, God is teaching me to quiet my heart and my mind to start thinking of how I can impact His heart.  To ponder that thought…to think of how my actions can bring Him joy…  I’ve realized that spending time with my maker, reading about Him, and just talking about Him would please Him….

I am inspired by the boldness of this woman to stand up for what she believes.  I hope that as I continue to grow in my relationship with God, He would teach me how to stand so boldly for the things that He is passionate about.  He would empower me to live with passion for the things of His kingdom.  There are so many things in my life I want to change, but I think change begins at the smallest places in life.

God, would you begin to change this heart..help me to spend those quiet moments with you…to learn what your voice sounds like, to hear what is on your heart, to feel your presence.  Lord, make my life one that pleases you, that makes you smile…help me to seek you fully with a heart so passionately set on loving you more and more each day.  Your child, Jason

Close Enough to See…Not Close Enough to Matter

I feel like my life is a slithering slowly through the desert.  Can you believe its 2012?  Over the past 4 years, life has continued to move forward.  Our lives have radically changed and more than that, “who we are” as people has changed drastically.  I think back and 4 years ago, my life was so different.  I was working, going to seminary, and serving at church.  At that point, I felt like I finally made it.  I wasn’t this overly immature 20 something year old trying to find himself, while shamelessly saying tag lines at Abercrombie but I had found exactly what God had called me to.  I was “on fire” and passionate.  I loved what I did and I would sacrifice whatever it took to continue to serve, whether at my job or the college students.  It fed my heart and I loved it.  I was “in my element” …. knowing that in many moments during those years, I was doing exactly what God has called me to do.

I guess in the past couple of weeks, I’ve spent time reflecting a lot.  I see this current season coming to an end real fast and I’m trying to make sense of all of it.  Not sure of the what the future will bring, but at the same time, slowly plodding along until my time here is complete.  I have spent my Sundays listening to Ravi Zacharias and leading my own worship.  It has been awkwardly blessing.  Sometimes it makes me feel alone, sometimes it makes me feel sad.  Other times, I feel blessed… but in it, there’s a certain comfort in being in God’s presence that brings me back.

I think my inability to let go is the reason why I let these deeper things continue to plague me.  I know that is why I live in moments of frustration and I am where I’m at in life today.  “Successes are temporary but failures are permanent.”  The truth is I have lived in my failures.  I have allowed to eat me from the inside out.  They slowly gnaw at my soul…

I can’t let go b/c I have made it a part of who I am.  It’s funny how easily we look at addicts and think, you just need to quit doing what you’re doing.  It’s not healthy for you…but the problem is that much of those things that we become addicted to become who we are.  We cannot let go of it without feeling like we are letting go of a piece of ourselves.  And we just don’t like that…we don’t like the unknown, the uncertainty.  We would rather live in what we know and suffer, than to choose otherwise.  We don’t have to recalibrate our expectations, we don’t have to take a step of faith to be disappointed.  All we have to do is go through the motions, we know what to expect, and so we go through the same cycle over and over again.

“Failures are only the starting point of success…”

I am tired of the cycle.  I am tired of “me”  I remember those moments in life where I felt like the world was crumbling around me.  I remember telling myself, “These are the moments where my life is defined…this is the time I choose how I will live…”  Because it doesn’t take much to live in success, but it takes a whole lot of character to deal with failures and setbacks.  How would I respond to them?  Will I persevere…to push through.. to continue to fight with a holy strength and resolve?

Fortunately or unfortunately, that fight starts at the foot of the cross…it starts right here and right now.  Learning to take this part of me that has been “me” for so long, and laying it gently at the Cross.  I have sat at the foot of the Cross…I have felt the nail pierced hands reach out…but then I would turn away.  I wouldn’t dare let “holy hands” grab my filth…. I feel so naked and ashamed; so afraid and unsure.  Would He accept me again?  Would I let him accept me?

Even my Savior, I keep at arms length..close enough to see, but not close enough to matter.  But there comes a time when it’s not enough… it just simply not enough to be seen.  My heart cries but so many walls are built that no one hears.  Others knock down the walls, but I have learned to quickly raise more… my heart is waiting to be rescued and I know the only one that can is Christ.

So Lord, you know me…please come rescue me.

Snapshots

Snapshot is my active way of describing the word “a memory.”  I remember we used to have this saying back when I was a kid about “that’s a kodak moment.”  Its a moment that needs to be forever saved by imprinting it on film.  I look at my spiritual walk with Jesus and know that there have been those “kodak moments”…those experiences so intimate, so formative that they are forever saved on the imprint of my soul.  Whether it’s todays way of looking through photos on facebook or going through an old year book or photo album, those snapshots give rise to memories that stir emotions in our hearts.

I think sometimes the most beautiful pictures are those “candid” moments…where everything seems so mundane, but in that very moment, the picture expresses what words cannot.  I wish I had that gifted eye for photography, to be able to see beyond the mere physical and sense with my artistic heart the depth of the moment.  Unfortunately, in my soldier like world, everything needs to be neat and orderly, perhaps it is a push-back from my completely non-sensical mind!

I remember seeing this picture on these drink coasters my mom made of my dad and I.  I was probably 4 years old sitting on my dad’s lap…giving that cheesy smile.  There’s one thing looking at pictures when you’re young, but as I approach the same age as my parents in those pictures, it gives it a different depth and perspective.  It is almost bewildering as I think of them as my age…think of their struggles, their thoughts… that picture, probably taken by my mom… what were their dreams for me?  Did they think it would turn out like this?  Could they have possibly imagine their son heading off to a war in the Middle East?  Maybe I take in to an extreme, but seeing that picture make me want to turn back the clocks and ask them those questions…

The picture not only signified the questions I had of my parents during that time, but it is a reminder of my dad’s constant love for me.  It makes me emotional to think of how extravagantly my dad loves me.  If I tripped and fell, my dad would be proud of me b/c I was his son.  There was nothing I could do to ever have him love me any less.  I think of how powerfully he loved me, how he fathered me through so many stages of life…how he “connected” with me and enjoyed time with me.  I think of all the times he would sacrifice so I could have more.  I think of the sacrifices my parents made so I could have just a little more…and it honestly breaks my heart.

I have prayed to God that I could be something close to the man my father is.  Its amazing how one memory of one picture creates so much depth of emotion and heart.  I share that about my father b/c he is the greatest man I know and also b/c His love is only a glimpse of God’s love for me.  This is what overwhelms me….in my father, God has shown me such incredible love, but that love is only a shimmer of God’s love.

I think about that moment at AFC’s parking lot where I had just spoke with PD about my future.  I remember PD telling me that he sensed God’s call on my life.  I was at a place to except the brunt of that statement with open arms.  It was July 2005.  It was the clearest, breeziest summer day.  PD had left and I remember sitting on those benches next to the park by the parking lot thinking….God, if you’re all in, I’m all in.  I closed my eyes as I felt the sun’s rays pulse upon my skin and the breeze casually brush my cheeks.  With the acceptance of that thought, I also felt some anxiety b/c I was unsure of what the future would bring.  As the sun set, I went inside to the room closest to the entrance on the left and took out a guitar and just sang praise.

I remember shouting to God, “Humble King”
Oh kneel me down again
Here at your feet
Show me how much you love
Humility

Oh Spirit be the star
That leads me to
The humble heart of love
I see in you

You are the God of the broken
The friend of the weak
You wash the feet of the weary
And embrace the ones in need

And I want to be like you Jesus
To have this heart in me
You are the God of the humble
You are the humble king

Perhaps in that snapshot, I didn’t know it at the time, but it was the first time I let go.  I let go of trying to be something and allowed God to do His thing in my life.  I stopped striving to be a dentist, to be a missionary, to be something significant and took the moment to say, “God, here I am, weary and broken, all I want is to be like you, to have your heart in me, I want you to be my humble king.”  From that point, I solidified that decision that ministry would be a big part of my life.  August of 2005, I would meet Chris (my buddy from Hawaii) who would answer a 101 questions about the Army and would encourage my decision to join.

Amazing how that snapshot, captures so much of where I’m at today.  I wonder what snapshots we are capturing today?